What to Know When Your Fiancé or Boyfriend Lives Overseas

by Uche Onegeria 10 Apr , 2016  

It would be a perfect world if no one lied. I did not put this piece together to rain on anyone’s parade but if you have to make a big decision like Marriage then by all means, leave the Lies in your past life!

I am sharing this information not just so you would read, ask your partner questions and take their words for it. You have a brain. Use it! You also need to do some wise cross-examinations with them when you are having honest conversations about your lives. There is also a lot you can do with Google. Do yourself a favour and know more about your prospective husband (especially if you do not know them very well) after all you will be investing the next 50+ years of your life with them.

Image from the web
Their occupation

Not everyone overseas is rich. This is not actually a bad thing as Rome was not built in a day. What is terrible is when people lie about what they do or when they are scam artists but tell you they are into IT. Or when they just have nothing but they act like they are super comfortable. His being generous does not mean he is comfortable. Remember that some people have no financial savings.

What is their “Status” abroad?
Nigerians call this having “Papers”. It is when someone has the legal documents that enable them freely stay in a country.
Not everyone overseas is legally there. Some travel with their Visitor’s Visa and because it is pretty amazing being overseas they decide to stay (I want to say I do not blame them but I actually do. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well). The stay period for a Visitor’s Visa is usually 6 months. People that remain afterwards start hiding from the authorities. They might also do anything (maybe illegal) even paying to marry citizens of the country to get “papers”.
 

If your partner is hiding from the authorities because he does not have the required immigration documents to stay in the country, or he is still married to a woman that would help him with papers (which he might not tell you), he will marry you but he cannot bring you over to live with him for a long while (he has to be a legal Immigrant to try and bring anyone in).

If this is the case with you, prepare your mind to become a single mother or just a married woman who gets a few sorry visits from her “husband”, 1-2 times every year. If you want to find out if he is currently married overseas, you can get a friend in that part of the world (if you have) to help you check the Marriage records.

You gamble; marry him, you travel to live with him and…..
Image from the web
You are alone, with no close family member in the country, and you are married to a near-stranger (this is the perfect recipe for anyone to maltreat you). If you are being abused in anyway, please know that you do not have to live the rest of your life that way. You are not in Africa (Nigeria) for crying out loud. You are in a developed country. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Get the help you need or at least ask them what options exist for you. There are various organizations that will fight for your right and might even help you divorce him, help you go back to your country or help you process your documents to stay.
Were you promised further education or uprooted from University with promises that you would continue when you travel overseas? Will they deliver?
This is a tricky one. I would advise you not to rush. If you are already enrolled in a school back home, and he is serious about marrying you, why will he not wait for you to finish or enroll you in a school so you can continue with your education ASAP? Yes! He can enroll you into a school so that once you are married, you can travel and resume schooling immediately?
I said this is actually very tricky because some guys would actually deliver. If you do not trust that he will follow up with his promise of enrolling you into a school, then why are you with him?
 
Let me tell you how it is overseas

Most husbands and wives overseas work because they might not be able to sustain their family with just one person’s income. So, do not think that you will go overseas and relax like you can do in Africa (Nigeria) and get away with it. No! Most wives that make it overseas work anywhere just to get by until they secure their dream jobs. Almost everyone that I know has done odd jobs (most millionaires and billionaires as well). It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Why am I saying this?
If you do not have a degree, you might work in a grocery store for the rest of your life. Either you try and finish your education when you are in Nigeria or ensure you complete it when you join your spouse overseas so you can reap most of the benefits of the “overseas life”.And to the guys, “abeg bros try talk true to your woman”. Or at least, wait till you are ready before you transfer the complication in your life to an unsuspecting girl. You always want the best of both worlds, huh? A frustrated wife alone with a baby or babies back home (check), you obtain your immigration documents while married to another woman (check!)… You try!Let me hear you say “women get wahala (problems)” again. Na “your wahala” them get!

Life is actually very simple but, we as flawed humans choose to complicate it.

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