10 Signs he will become a Violent (Obsessed) Lover in the future

by Uche Onegeria 6 Apr , 2016  

Why do women stay in abusive relationships

I think people always want to know why women stay in abusive relationships. From my topic, there truly exists signs that would tell you if he would become abusive later in life. Most of these signs manifest clearly and are noticed by women who maybe because they are already in love (or for other reasons), they make excuses for the men, hoping they would change. And the more time invested in any relationship, the harder it gets for anyone to pull away.

Mind you, there are many women who have left abusive relationships and not looked back. If you are currently in a similar situation, I hope you find it in yourself to recognize that your condition is not healthy. Also, as you spend more time with them, you lose your self esteem which hurts you further. Has he promised that he would get better? He will not, my dear!
1. He would woo you, gradually isolate and want you all to himself (People think that abusive men cannot be romantic. Honey, they can be because this would get them to win you over, then keep you away from everyone, even your family and friends).

2. It is always all about him (he would want to have the final say in every decision..all the time).

3. He will play “god” in your life and be in control (picks your phone calls, tracks and questions every move you make, might tell you how to dress, eat or speak).

4. Quick involvement with you (once he marks you as his future partner, he would want to seal the deal with you as soon as possible).

5. Before the Physical abuse comes, Emotional and Verbal abuse would have been the bane of existence in your relationship (and other types of abuse aimed to control you as well. You might be constantly being demeaned and told you are good for nothing, called ugly and told that no one else would want you – These are all not true. They are all ONLY in his head).

Power and Control Wheel:
Cycle of Violence
Image from the web

6. He would play the victim and blame others for his problems (if he is jobless, then the society is to be blamed or his family, for his failure in life. He will blame you when he is angry with you, even when he strikes his foot against a chair in the corner of your room. It will never be his fault).

 

7. He would blame you when he is at fault (He would either be unnecessarily defensive or attack you for something he did. This comes from his history of blaming others for his own issues which makes him never see himself in the wrong).

8. He keeps his family away from you citing reasons like “Oh! They are terrible people” (it is all to keep you away from them because they might tell you the truth about him or he has driven them away).

9. Does (not) get along with other people (Most of them would avoid other people. This is because they have a need control everything and stay away from situations beyond them).
Some of them do get along with other people. They just pretend when they are out there, and relinquish control but once they get in behind closed doors with you (their primary target whom they have total control over), they unleash their pent-up frustrations with the world on you in many unspeakable forms.

10. If you observe closely, he might actually be impatient, even breaking or striking at objects in frustration. It is worth mentioning that some men might never be violent but they would lash out in various other ways as well (emotional, financial etc.).
Finally, he strikes you (he would apologize, and even feel terrible for this but this is only the first of many to come) or threatens your life if you ever leave (if he is obsessed). There is no timeline to when this could happen. Some women claimed that they experienced it ASAP, others saw it immediately after marriage, the rest experienced it some 3-5 years after marriage.
My dear, unless this happens out of the blues, you should have left a long time ago. If you have not left, I hope you find the strength in you to save your life and your sanity.

Irrespective of how long it takes, most Africans (Nigerians) only recognize abuse when it becomes Physical. However, physical abuse is almost always preceded by a history of various other kinds of abuse as well.

I am happy to say that there are men who truly detest abuse as well, irrespective of the situation. They understand that it makes no sense to discipline a grown woman by beating her up. If you feel the need to discipline (discipline? seriously, is she a kid?) her, then maybe you should not be with her. You both should save yourselves a life of hell and go your separate ways.

3 Comments

  1. Most women always that they can easy change a man's attitude with time. That is the biggest mistake a lady can ever make. Even if the man pretends to have changed, is just for a while. The woman will be the one to endure the pains all through her stay in the relationship.

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About the author

Uche Onegeria

I'm Uche, a lazy writer whose passion for a developed Nigeria is second to none. I do not see tribe, religion, sexual orientation, social status, gender, age... I only see Humans because I have seen the deadly disadvantages of such labels.

I believe Nigeria has never fully harnessed the collective potentials of all her tribes & will only work when we fix this! Let's not fail ourselves by losing sight of what matters most; our HUMANITY!

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