Get these Right & have a Relationship that Lasts Forever

by Uche Onegeria 29 Feb , 2016  

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The most important period in a relationship are the first few days to months of dating. This is because you have the clearest head during this period to analyze your would-be partner. Try to avoid intimacy or take yourselves too seriously or even make any promises of forever at this stage as you really do not know each other enough. This could save you from becoming some wide-eyed idiot that continuously sails in the wind until you are knocked back to earth by some shocking relationship issues you could not see through your brain fog .

This post is for those that are dating with the intention of marrying their partners.

Is he/she my great friend?
This is probably the most important. A lot of people talk about friends in the dreaded “friend zone” while they carry on meaningless relationships with other people. The best thing you can do for yourselves is to start off as friends. Hang out with other people. Know what they are like with other people, what they like and dislike. Know them outside their comfort zones especially as friends because then you both have nothing at stake. No one is pretending (hopefully) and even if they start pretending as friends, with time, they will relax and show their true forms.
 
Am I attracted to him/her?
If you cannot picture yourself in intimate moments with this person, do not continue a relationship with this person. Even if you do, make sure you do not make long-term promise . If you want to promise anything, tell them to give you time to think things through then you can evaluate the situation and see if it will never change.
A guy/girl can be charming, intelligent, amazing but you will still not be attracted to them. I really cannot say why that happens but if you feel this way, do not make excuses for this. Do not move forward unless situations change for you.
 
Can you marry him/her?
If you do not see yourself marrying this person in the future, maybe you should just remain friends until that changes for you. Either way, do not date if you do not see yourself marrying that person.
Will my family accept him/her? (this is especially important if she is from another tribe or just different).
Will my family accept him/her?
If there is anything different about this person – be it racial, tribal, etc. then you need to bring in your family from day 1 before you go all the way and end up heartbroken because your family would not accept them. Work with your family, find out their whys and if they remain adamantly against any future you might have with this person, and you know you cannot change their minds, nor disobey them, walk away now when you can.

Can I handle his/her quirks and habits?
If you hate liars but your partner keeps lying, and you know that you cannot live with that, do yourself a favour and walk away. If some of their habits get you worked up, and is not getting better, do not assume that marriage will change them.
It has been suggested that adults do not change once they are over 20 – 25 years.
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Do they make me happy?
It is said that you have to make your own happiness however, when someone you love keeps rubbing off on you the bad way, there is no way that the little happiness cocoon that you have built for yourself will not be affected. Your light would gradually be dimmed by this negative influence into your life. It might not be something he/she can control but you need to consider this.
How giving or generous is he/she to us and everyone around?
Relationship is about sacrifice and when I say “giving or generous”, I do not just mean material things. Those things do not matter at all. When someone gives your their time, lends you their faith, nurtures and helps you grow, is patient with you, embraces your flaws and all, then he/she is definitely a keeper.
Are we fighting more than dating?
If you fight more than you have peace, then this is a sign that you might not be compatible. Try and address this issue quickly to see if it persists or of it would go as you get used to each other.

 

Do they disrespect or humiliate me in any way – privately or publicly?
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This could be a huge sign of more terrible things to come including family violence. If he or she exhibits this in anyway, this union will not end well. Yes – women can be abusive as well as men. It does not matter how much they apologise or make up for this flaw. Save yourself and walk away, please. Walk away when you can because if you do not, and things get heated up, you get blinded by love (or whatever), make excuses and stay.
 
How disciplined is he/she?
Even when you have a stable relationship, it will always need quite a bit of work to keep things running smoothly. You need someone who will give their word and keep their word, who respects you and who will remain ever faithful to you. Being faithful is not an easy trait to have (Expect my post on “Tips on how to remain faithful to your partner”).
 
Am I telling myself the truth about him/her at all times?
You do not need to tell your mom, best friends or siblings everything about your partner. The only person that you owe the truth about anything in your situation is YOU.
Ask yourself this question, “Is he/she amazing?”. If they are truly amazing, you have scored a keeper. If they are not, then you need to rethink things. Being amazing does not mean that they do not have any flaw. It only means that they have flaws that you can live with.
Others are:
  • Do they strive for peace and resolving conflicts peacefully?
  • Do they let pride get in the way of your goals?
  • Do you have similar dreams and goals?
  • Do they want kids, big or small family, dogs, etc?
  • Do they protect you?
If you can answer all these questions, and can live with the results, be in yay or nay, go for it. I wish you luck.
.…You need someone who will give their word and keep their word…

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